robe & boxers listening to synthwave, face done up even though there’s no way i’m leaving this apartment tonight.
about to do a reading for myself, stoned & alone - with perfume on.
i don’t know what this next phase is, but i mentioned something about “calcified confidence” to a friend of mine last weekend. i feel so deeply that i just finished the best art project i have ever made.
i’ve been in hiding for months, if not years. it feels like my move to philly was in anticipation of this. it probably isn’t a masterpiece, but it’s so mine. no one else could make this except for me. and something about that feels like the “enlightenment” i thought i was experiencing two summers ago.
the constant comparison has been quieting down in the last few weeks. even though i feel like i’m still very much in the process of discovering myself (this is maybe a forever thing for me), i’m experiencing the fleeting sensation of getting as close as ever.
i know what this is, i have definitely been somewhere like this before - and i know it doesn’t last forever.
but it feels so fucking good right now.
